Goodbye

Im writing this to you because I know you may read it and because I need to say how I feel. Lately I've been confused. Confused af. Afraid. Afraid because I was again in front of such a big and dangerous world alone. And when I say alone , I mean not with you. I didn't have you there to tell me everything was going to be alright.

And I know I'm strong because I kept living when I wanted to die. I kept fighting but I don't even know why anymore. You used to be my reason.

And now I know. I have to say goodbye to you. I know we already did it but not in my mind. In my head you are still here, stuck. So yes. Goodbye. I need to accept you are my past. I will make my own way. without you. And it probably will hurt for a long time. But I promess I'll be doing better everyday. With every step, with every breath, you will be far away.

Thanks for everything you gave me. Thank you even for the pain, now I'm  stronger. I can't say I won't fall in love again. But I can say I won't love anyone as I loved you. And no one will love you as I did.

Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend.

Idc

They say time fixes everything. I would like to believe that. But I'm so freaking scared thinking I may never forget you. Never stop feeling this pain. Never stop missing you. I get so cared thinking you may move on but I'll stay here stuck...

I'm scared . And you used to be the one I told all this things to feel better. You always calmed me down. The problem is this is now about you. And how can I deal with that? I never thought you would be in my "why life sucks reasons" just in my "why to stay alive reasons".

No tengo miedo

No tengo miedo de viajar por todo el mundo. Pero quiero hacerlo contigo. Quiero recorrer cada ciudad, cada pueblo, a tu lado. Subir a las cimas más altas, hacer paracaidismo, ver anochecer en los puntos menos imaginados del planeta. Quiero navegar contigo, escalar el cañón de colorado, ver las Cataratas del Niagara, cumplir mi sueño y ver la Aurora Boreal. Pero contigo. Quiero que seas tu el que vea cuando me gire. El que me guíe cuando me pierda en el camino. En el que me apoye cuando crea que no puedo más.  Me has dado esperanza. Esperanza de que todo esto merezca la pena. Ahora, acompañame. No te defraudare si no me abandonas. Lo prometo.

Hey

Hey, ¿how you doing? It's weird to talk to you again. Kinda awkward too. We used to talk for hours. About everything. And look at us now. ¿what happened? ¿why does everything that I love have to die?

I can see you have been busy. Making some cool plans with your friends and with your girlfriend. I'm  glad you are OK. Because for some nights I couldn't sleep thinking about it. About how would you be doing. Then I understood. It wasn't my business. It never was. I thought I was much more for you than what I actually was. But it's OK. I know how to handle it. I always get through  the same stuff.

Yea. You were right. I expect too much of people. Too much of you, especially.

So hey, let's keep a normal conversation for a few minutes. Tell me what you've been doing. How you've been feeling and all that stuff. Let's pretend we are normal for a while. Let's pretend I'm not dying inside.

Oh and hey. I miss you.

Not that type of person

I’m not the type of person to give up on someone. Yes, sometimes I get really mad and upset so I need a minute to cool off but I’ll never abandon you. I don’t leave people. And I think that’s why it always hurts so bad when people leave me.

Te amo

“

Te amo de Pablo Neruda

Te amo, 
te amo de una manera inexplicable, 
de una forma inconfesable, 
de un modo contradictorio.

Te amo 
con mis estados de ánimo que son muchos, 
y cambian de humor continuamente. 
por lo que ya sabes, 
el tiempo, la vida, la muerte.

Te amo… 
con el mundo que no entiendo,
con la gente que no comprende,
con la ambivalencia de mi alma, 
con la incoherencia de mis actos, 
con la fatalidad del destino, 
con la conspiración del deseo, 
con la ambigüedad de los hechos.

Aún cuando te digo que no te amo, te amo, 
hasta cuando te engaño, no te engaño, 
en el fondo, llevo a cabo un plan, 
para amarte mejor.

Te amo… 
sin reflexionar, inconscientemente, 
irresponsablemente, espontáneamente, 
involuntariamente, por instinto, 
por impulso, irracionalmente.

En efecto no tengo argumentos lógicos, 
ni siquiera improvisados 
para fundamentar este amor que siento por ti, 
que surgió misteriosamente de la nada, 
que no ha resuelto mágicamente nada, 
y que milagrosamente, de a poco, con poco y nada 
ha mejorado lo peor de mí.

Te amo,
te amo con un cuerpo que no piensa, 
con un corazón que no razona, 
con una cabeza que no coordina.

Te amo 
incomprensiblemente,
sin preguntarme por qué te amo, 
sin importarme por qué te amo, 
sin cuestionarme por qué te amo.

Te amo 
sencillamente porque te amo, 
yo mismo no sé por qué te amo.

”

— Pablo Neruda

Si..

Si ese día no te hubiera conocido, no hubiera experimentado todo este dolor, tristeza y desesperanza. Pero si no te hubiera conocido, tampoco habría sentido todo este amor, toda aquella alegría e ilusión.

Don't

Don't put your happiness in hands of anyone. They'll drope it. they will always drope it.

¿Cómo?

Puedo recordar cómo lucías la primera vez que te vi. Tu mirada, tu sonrisa, tu respiración, tus manos, tus pequeños vicios, tus gestos, tus sonidos. Cada pequeño detalle de ti me encantaba. Parecían estar hechos a medida para mí. Adoraba hasta la forma en la que me hacías enfadar. Te dije te quiero demasiado rápido. No suelo hacerlo, pero lo hice porque realmente lo sentía. En realidad creo que te amaba incluso antes de conocerte. Sé que tú también sentiste esa conexión tan extraña pero a su vez mágica entre nosotros. Las cosas iban torciendo de. Sin embargo, prometimos todo menos separarnos. Y justamente eso pasó.

Fue cosa del destino volver a encontrarnos. Ambos estábamos en puntos muy diferentes en la vida, habíamos cambiado, pero la conexión permanecía. Otra vez las mismas promesas. Otra vez las conversaciones hasta las tantas de la madrugada. Pero maldito sea el destino, que nos la volvió a jugar. Razones diferentes, pero consecuencias iguales. Distancia. Problemas. Personas. Da igual, llámalo como quieras. El caso es que hemos vuelto a tener que decirnos la palabra que ambos más odiamos: adiós.

¿Pero cómo aceptarlo, cuando te has convertido en mi todo? En mi primer y último pensamiento, en mi única ilusión y tristeza, el caos y el orden de mi vida a la vez. Dime, ¿cómo? ¿cómo he de aceptarlo?

Esperé

Esperé a que volvieras
durante días, semanas, años
quizá toda la vida
desde que tengo memoria

Y nunca volviste
Siempre tú, en mis sueños
Siempre tú, en mis esperanzas
Siempre tú

Y ahora que te vuelvo a ver
qué suerte,
ya no te necesito.

Autor del poema: Koldo Fierro

Alone

Alone

From childhood's hour I have not been 
As others were; I have not seen 
As others saw; I could not bring 
My passions from a common spring. 
From the same source I have not taken 
My sorrow; I could not awaken 
My heart to joy at the same tone; 
And all I loved, I loved alone. 
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn 
Of a most stormy life- was drawn 
From every depth of good and ill 
The mystery which binds me still: 
From the torrent, or the fountain, 
From the red cliff of the mountain, 
From the sun that round me rolled 
In its autumn tint of gold, 
From the lightning in the sky 
As it passed me flying by, 
From the thunder and the storm, 
And the cloud that took the form 
(When the rest of Heaven was blue) 
Of a demon in my view.

by Edgar Allan Poe

If you forget me

I want you to know 
one thing. 

You know how this is: 
if I look 
at the crystal moon, at the red branch 
of the slow autumn at my window, 
if I touch 
near the fire 
the impalpable ash 
or the wrinkled body of the log, 
everything carries me to you, 
as if everything that exists, 
aromas, light, metals, 
were little boats 
that sail 
toward those isles of yours that wait for me. 

Well, now, 
if little by little you stop loving me 
I shall stop loving you little by little. 

If suddenly 
you forget me 
do not look for me, 
for I shall already have forgotten you. 

If you think it long and mad, 
the wind of banners 
that passes through my life, 
and you decide 
to leave me at the shore 
of the heart where I have roots, 
remember 
that on that day, 
at that hour, 
I shall lift my arms 
and my roots will set off 
to seek another land. 

But 
if each day, 
each hour, 
you feel that you are destined for me 
with implacable sweetness, 
if each day a flower 
climbs up to your lips to seek me, 
ah my love, ah my own, 
in me all that fire is repeated, 
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten, 
my love feeds on your love, beloved, 
and as long as you live it will be in your arms 
without leaving mine.

by Pablo Neruda

If you forget me

I want you to know 
one thing. 

You know how this is: 
if I look 
at the crystal moon, at the red branch 
of the slow autumn at my window, 
if I touch 
near the fire 
the impalpable ash 
or the wrinkled body of the log, 
everything carries me to you, 
as if everything that exists, 
aromas, light, metals, 
were little boats 
that sail 
toward those isles of yours that wait for me. 

Well, now, 
if little by little you stop loving me 
I shall stop loving you little by little. 

If suddenly 
you forget me 
do not look for me, 
for I shall already have forgotten you. 

If you think it long and mad, 
the wind of banners 
that passes through my life, 
and you decide 
to leave me at the shore 
of the heart where I have roots, 
remember 
that on that day, 
at that hour, 
I shall lift my arms 
and my roots will set off 
to seek another land. 

But 
if each day, 
each hour, 
you feel that you are destined for me 
with implacable sweetness, 
if each day a flower 
climbs up to your lips to seek me, 
ah my love, ah my own, 
in me all that fire is repeated, 
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten, 
my love feeds on your love, beloved, 
and as long as you live it will be in your arms 
without leaving mine.

by Pablo Neruda

Letting you go

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring;
It means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off...
It's the realization that I can't control another...
To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try and change or blame another,
I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective,
It is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.

Do you know what i want?

Do you know what i want? I want to wake up next to you. With the blanket over us. While the sun wakes up with us. I want to open my eyes and watch the sunbeams on your face. I want to be able to look at you and hold your hand while you slowly wake up. Kiss you on the forehead, and wish you a good morning. Take a little bit of coffee while I put on your long green tshirt I like so much.

I.. I don't want it all. It's just a morning with you. So many people have it. And they call it routine. Oh God, if they just realized how lucky they are of waking up everyday next to the people they are in love with.

Do you know what i want?

Do you know what i want? I want to wake up next to you. With the blanket over us. While the sun wakes up with us. I want to open my eyes and watch the sunbeams on your face. I want to be able to look at you and hold your hand while you slowly wake up. Kiss you on the forehead, and wish you a good morning. Take a little bit of coffee while I put on your long green tshirt I like so much.

I.. I don't want it all. It's just a morning with you. So many people have it. And they call it routine. Oh God, if they just realized how lucky they are of waking up everyday next to the people they are in love with.

Y qué pasa conmigo

Y qué pasa conmigo. Qué pasa con lo que yo siento, con lo que ambos sentimos. Qué pasa con nosotros. Qué pasa con todo lo que teníamos olaneado. Dime, qué pasa . ¿con todo el tiempo que te he dddicado ? ¿Con todas las lágrimas y con todos los disgustos? ¿Con todos los sentimientos y momentos compartidos?

No me digas que se van, así, sin más porque no me sirve. No, dime qué pasa

One day

“One day I’m going to do something reckless. One day I’m going to show up at your door and lay the earth at your feet. I will look at you and say that I’ve loved you with every mile between us and I will love you through a thousand more. You were crafted from the stars and the sea and I have never, in this lifetime or the last, seen anything that moves or speaks like you. One day I will do something reckless. One day I will tell you that you look like the rest of my life.”

This text doesn't belong to me

I lay in my bed and think about you
I love you so much I don't know what to do
I feel your warmth at my side
The pain in my heart moves to my eyes
So far away yet always so near
You are the reason I am still here.

I await the times when we can talk
I await the times we can finally hold hands and walk
To feel you for real... so close to me
The happiest person in the world is what you would make me.

Your eyes shine like a million suns
You shine more brightly than anyone
Your smile so sweet can't help but make me smile
It stops my world even for a little while
I await the time when my hand is in yours
To hear you say those 3 little words.

There are still no words I can say to describe
My heart it aches and my eyes they cry
But when we talk my heart flies
you always wipe away the tears I cry.

Even though you aren't here
And I miss you so much my dear
I'll love you forever and ever
I'll always love you my far away lover.

 

Donde habite el olvido

Donde habite el olvido, 
En los vastos jardines sin aurora; 
Donde yo sólo sea 
Memoria de una piedra sepultada entre ortigas 
Sobre la cual el viento escapa a sus insomnios.

Donde mi nombre deje 
Al cuerpo que designa en brazos de los siglos, 
Donde el deseo no exista.

En esa gran región donde el amor, ángel terrible, 
No esconda como acero 
En mi pecho su ala, 
Sonriendo lleno de gracia aérea mientras crece el tormento.

Allí donde termine este afán que exige un dueño a imagen suya, 
Sometiendo a otra vida su vida, 
Sin más horizonte que otros ojos frente a frente.

Donde penas y dichas no sean más que nombres, 
Cielo y tierra nativos en torno de un recuerdo; 
Donde al fin quede libre sin saberlo yo mismo, 
Disuelto en niebla, ausencia, 
Ausencia leve como carne de niño.

Allá, allá lejos; 
Donde habite el olvido.

Cernuda