Hey

Hey, ¿how you doing? It's weird to talk to you again. Kinda awkward too. We used to talk for hours. About everything. And look at us now. ¿what happened? ¿why does everything that I love have to die?

I can see you have been busy. Making some cool plans with your friends and with your girlfriend. I'm  glad you are OK. Because for some nights I couldn't sleep thinking about it. About how would you be doing. Then I understood. It wasn't my business. It never was. I thought I was much more for you than what I actually was. But it's OK. I know how to handle it. I always get through  the same stuff.

Yea. You were right. I expect too much of people. Too much of you, especially.

So hey, let's keep a normal conversation for a few minutes. Tell me what you've been doing. How you've been feeling and all that stuff. Let's pretend we are normal for a while. Let's pretend I'm not dying inside.

Oh and hey. I miss you.

Letting you go

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring;
It means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off...
It's the realization that I can't control another...
To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try and change or blame another,
I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective,
It is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.

Te fastidia

Te fastidia verlo de la mano de otra, sonriendola como te sonríe a ti. Te jode verle hablar de ella con esa mirada, la que tu siempre deseaste. Es más, te acojona lo que sientes, hasta el punto de que el otro día casi lloras en frente de el. Pensabas que era algo pasajero, pero mirate, han pasado meses y te sientes del mismo modo. Eso es lo que te aterroriza, eh? Malgastar la vida en sentimientos no correspondidos, en miradas no devueltas, en ser el segundo plato.
Y entonces te dices, mandale a la mierda, a caso no es lo mejor? Pero no puedes, otra vez ese miedo a vivir sin el, a no poder hablar con él, como si tu vida dependiera de él. Y sabes que eso es malo, no debes depender de nadie, sabes como acabó la última vez.

Π

Ella odia como le haces sentir. Puedes traerle el cielo, pero también el infierno. El problema está en que le traes lo segundo la mayoría del tiempo, y la balanza ya no sale a tu favor. Se pregunta, si merece sufrir tanto, por una pizca de felicidad. Una pizca de tu amor.

Te quiere y no sabe porqué. No le has dado muchas razones para ello. Le has llevado a lo más alto para luego dejarla caer. Le has llenado de amor y después te has ido. Vaya manera de matar.

Has sido un capullo de los grandes con ella. Pero aun y todo sigue pensando en ti al levantsrse, al irse a dormir, al ver que tiene un nuevo mensaje... al sentir a alguien detrás ¿será él? No deja de preguntarse eso. Sus amigos estuvieron ahí para ella los primeros días. Pero el duelo lo pasa uno solo. Y ya nadie recuerda cuán rota esta por dentro. Nadie sabe que detrás de tanto griterío y fingidas sonrisas está una chica rota, hundida, pensando en ti. Nadie esta al siguiente mes, ni al próximo tampoco. La gente olvida. Pero ella no, porque lo sufrió, te sufrió en primera persona.

Sueña con olvidarte algún día. Le han roto el corazón tantas veces. Sabe que el tiempo cura, aunque le cueste creerlo en ocasiones. Él último ya le hizo mucho daño. Confió en ti , en que esta vez no acabaría igual, y mira ahora. Se pregunta si merece la pena arriesgarse una vez más.

Se ha llegado a tragar el orgullo por ti. Porque te quería de verdad. Puede que no fuera el amor verdadero de un cuento de hadas, pero si algo sabe es que te quería.

Se repite constantemente que no más lágrimas por un idiota, que es suficiente. Pero eso no la convence a las once de la noche, cuando se tapa con las sabanas, cierra los ojos y piensa en ti. Entonces le invade el dolor. Ese dolor. Lo ha sentido tantas veces que ya no sabe como es posible continuar viviendolo tan fuertemente. Pero te juro que le rompe, pedazo a pedazo. Y entonces llora. Tu eres parte de esas lágrimas. Se te puede ver en ellas.

One day

“One day I’m going to do something reckless. One day I’m going to show up at your door and lay the earth at your feet. I will look at you and say that I’ve loved you with every mile between us and I will love you through a thousand more. You were crafted from the stars and the sea and I have never, in this lifetime or the last, seen anything that moves or speaks like you. One day I will do something reckless. One day I will tell you that you look like the rest of my life.”

This text doesn't belong to me

Real love

Once someone asked me if I was sure about my feelings. If I knew what real love was like. This person told me you know you love someone when you want to wake up next to him/her everyday. When you want to expend the rest of your life with this person. She told me that no matter how he/she looked, if you really loved him/her you would always see them as the most beautiful person ever. No matter if she was just woken up, if he was sneezing and with a flue, you would always see their beauty.

But she didn't told me how it hurted, when you want to expend all the nights with him or wake up next to him in the mornings and you couldn't. She should have told me how much it hurted. She should have told me love meant pain too. But I guess she already knew that...